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Had another lovely night last night. All day I was anxious to go and grab my beloved coworker to the backroom or toilet and kiss her to oblivion. And we tried, but there was always disturbances. So she suggested we hang out after work. We went to have an ice cream and ate it at the decks though it was windy. We had just recently talked how much we like to sit by the water. After that we went to a cozy cafeteria and had some wine. She wanted to play a guessing game. There was questions to which you can answer only with yes or no and the other had to guess first which it would be. That led into interesting conversations and... Yeah. She's a ten. When I saw her to the busstop, she seemed a little dizzy / confused. She said I make her feel so attractive and I told her she is. Also, one cute quote from our conversations:

Her: I'm not usually like a teenage boy who has just found his sexuality.
Me: But as an infamous cougar, what if I like it?
Her: ...Then I guess I actually am.


Ah, sweet. Or is it just me? Even though I know she doesn't plan to continue this after I come back from Japan (she actually thinks of going to travel around America in Autumn) I still somehow hope these moments with her would last longer. I mean, we have known for some years but now got closer in a past couple of months. I am not ready to lose her in 3 weeks. It's just wrong. And yet... I know I must. Sucks.

Had a brazilian waxing after the longest time today. It hurt as always. But of course it's worth it. Now I'm ready to go and put on my bikinis and try enjoy of my life... without her. Excuse me while I cry a little bit inside.

Heh.

What a year. I've been trying out new things, trying to win my fears (except having a pet spider, that is NEVER going to happen) and just go with the flow (not in a dead fish way). So, I guess I have finally came to realize what life is about. It's about multiple possibilities of which nothing is really wrong (unless you totally screw up and die). 

I have tried to mentally prepare for my future journey in Japan and I've been trying to think what I want to do there and how badly I want it, and at the moment, frankly, I don't even want to go. But I have to. I got the ticket and plans and stuff, but if I didn't, I probably wouldn't go. It's quite shocking to realize that. I've been trying to analyze is it because I'm too scared I might actually make it and stay there, or is it that I don't believe in my dream, or perhaps it is that there is other things here, in Finland too, though I first thought there isn't.
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